Quiet Letters.

Well, last week, my colleague was nice enough to introduce me to her friend Daniel.

And for the past week, it has been a turbulent one. 

Boy he sure is one hell of a fickle-minded person.

When first meeting, he seems like an average joe. But, I really loved his sincere heart. But what’s stupid is….he’s a momma’s boy.

YES.

And, he was afraid of showing me to his mom, in fear of rejection.

Come on man, you’re 19. You’re a man. You should be drawing a limit to relationships and your mom!!!

It was so annoying for me. I was tossed around. It felt hot and cold. I couldn’t find solid ground on this.

So I’ve decided to lay low.

But I have a strong gut feeling…..he would want me back. And I may be right.

I really can’t wait to meet the Man of my life.

Fallen sick, and missing Martin.

But I think Olu is kinda cute? He gives me the Bruno Mars vibes…

On 14th of April.

This was the first time, I fought with you martin.

It was the first time, I raised my voice at you.

It was the first time, we were both pissed.

I felt so bad, after you apologized. I felt so down. I didn’t know whether to continue being angry, or to forgive. But what made me smile a little, was that you actually cared about my feelings.

Even a friend could tell our ‘love-hate’ relationship. And it is true, after he told that I was the only student whom you’re this close and comfortable with. I’m happy we’re like this.

I won’t be seeing you till May I guess, with my ridiculous off days.

I hope you miss me like I do.

See you soon.

First 3 days of work has been quite a journey. Plenty of stuff to learn. God gave me this job, so I put my reliance on Him. It’s a brand new thing to me, and I have yet to learn many more, till I become comfortable and well-versed in all the responsibilities.

Love life has been pretty mundane. Nothing new. I guess it’s ‘lie-low’ time.  No one at hand now.

Just kinda looking forward to off days. And seeing mart and playing some drums. I sure do have this sense in me, like, I have to get back to doing things I love after working. It’s always like I’ve left ‘home’ when work starts, and I have to go back ‘home’, where I belong, which is my music.

I guess I’m that kind of person. Music is my home and it gives me comfort when no one can. It’s like a room to breathe.

Picked up my courage, and spoke to you Haiqal.

I’m glad that the chat went smoothly and we shared about our lives.

But what pained me was when you said “you’re always wonderful to me”.

You still know. But you’ll never know how I feel. I want to scream for a chance. But no.

I have so much regret. You did love me then. It was real. And I was stupid, to let you go, because of my uncertainty.

I recall those moments, it pains me till now. 2 years.

I miss being in your warm embrace.
I miss being loved.
I miss you.

I’m full of regret.

Full of pain.

We had something going on, but we failed.

We call each other bros.

But what if…..you developed feelings for me, despite having a girlfriend?

What if you liked me more, as we call each other bro more.

What if ‘bro’, doesn’t become ‘bro’ anymore?

What if…….

Plot twists.
Nice to fantasize, but may never happen (?)

I don’t understand why I smile when I think of M.

I don’t understand why I silently laugh to myself when I think about you.

I don’t understand why I even keep you in my thoughts all the time.

I can’t find the reason why, even after knowing you’re attached, the thought of you still makes me laugh and smile.

Shouldn’t you be off boundaries?! Why don’t I have that feeling? I know I’ll never be more for sure. But why? Why do I feel like this when my crush over you is gone? 

I just like it. Like, I don’t give a shit if you have a girl. I just like us. I just like the small concern you shed over me, I like how we tease and bully. I like how we throw our sarcasm to each other.

It’s just….fun. I like it. 

I love it, in fact.